It wasn’t the first time I looked at it.
That’s what bothers me.
The collar is still on the screen.
Simple image. Neutral background. Bad lighting.
But this time something is different:
the file date doesn’t match when I downloaded it.
I opened the folder three times.
By the third time I wasn’t even sure why.
Inside the file explorer there is an older copy.
Older than the day I started searching for this.
It shouldn’t exist.
I clicked it.
Not out of curiosity.
Out of the need to verify.
And that’s the problem.
Because the file opens too fast.
As if it had already been opened before.
I don’t remember doing that.
But the system does.
I checked the history.
There is a search I don’t recognize.
“neck collar pressure sensation”.
I read it out loud.
I felt embarrassed.
Not because of the words.
Because it sounds like something I would never admit writing.
I try to delete it.
It doesn’t fully disappear.
It comes back as a suggestion.
Lower down there is something else.
A video I don’t remember saving.
I open it.
It starts at second 14.
I don’t know why it starts at second 14.
I rewind it.
The beginning doesn’t load.
It only appears later.
As if the order is reversed.
I close the player.
Open it again.
Now the video starts normally.
That’s the worst part.
Because I don’t know what changed.
The file or me.
And there is something I don’t want to write, but it’s already happening:
the more I check it, the less certain I am of what I saw the first time.
My neck I should…
