Today I read about it again.
I shouldn’t have done it.
I know this because I wrote it down yesterday and deleted it afterward.
The article was simple: what it feels like the first time.
I still read it three times.
There was a photo. A normal object.
A cheap metal collar, almost decorative.
I zoomed in without meaning to. Then again.
I don’t remember doing it the first time.
But the image was already enlarged when I came back.
That’s what unsettles me.
Not the collar.
But the fact that my hand already knew what to do.
I checked the history.
Twice.
The second check is what embarrasses me.
Because it wasn’t curiosity anymore.
It was something else.
And the more I read, the worse it gets:
I’m not understanding less… I’m needing to confirm more.
Today I watched a short video.
I didn’t finish it.
I restarted it without noticing.
And this time there is a clear proof:
the timestamp doesn’t match my memory.
It is shorter than what I “felt”.
I don’t know how to explain that without sounding ridiculous.
I closed the tab.
Opened it again.
As if the proof needed repetition to become real.
And now there is something I don’t want to admit:
the curiosity hasn’t decreased.
it has learned to wait.
My neck I am not moving it I should…
