I don’t know why I keep reading this
I open it at night
I close the door even though I’m alone
the phone screen is too bright
I lower the brightness like someone could see me
I saved an article
“dominance and submission: basic concepts”
I don’t read it fully
I keep opening it again and again
each time I understand less
and still I continue
there is a sentence underlined by accident
I don’t remember marking it
I look at it again
my finger hesitates before touching it once more
I feel a little ashamed that I’m interested
not exactly fear
something else
like I was already seen reading this before I actually did
I close the tab
I open it again
the page is in the same place
but the line I read isn’t where I left it
or it is
I’m not sure
I stay still holding the phone
like it weighs more than it should
I think about clearing the history
I don’t
I tell myself it’s curiosity
but it isn’t only that
there is a part of me that keeps looking longer than necessary
and that’s what bothers me
because I don’t remember when it stopped being just reading
I only know that every time I close it
I come back faster
my neck I am not moving it I should…
