Breathing starts to change before I realize it.
It is not dramatic.
Nobody suddenly stops breathing.
It is stranger than that: the body begins listening to the air as if it belongs to someone else.
The Operator sets the rhythm and, for some reason, my attention starts following it.
That is what bothers me.
Not the breathing itself.
The automatic obedience.
I want to recover my normal rhythm and, at the same time, I keep counting the seconds exactly the way I was told to.
One part of my mind is trying to resist.
Another part is already calculating the next cycle before it arrives.
Inhale.
Wait.
Exhale.
Wait.
The room remains the same: the white light, the chair, the intermittent hum of the ventilation system.
But something shifts inside me.
I start noticing ridiculous details.
A small pull beneath my ribs.
The sound of air leaving my nose.
The feeling that my chest is no longer moving “naturally,” as though every breath now requires permission.
That should frighten me more than it does.
I try to break the pattern.
Breathe quickly.
Breathe deeply.
Breathe without thinking.
It does not work.
My body is already synchronized with the imposed rhythm.
And the worst part is that some involuntary part of me is waiting for the next count with almost automatic attention.
I do not like it.
I genuinely do not.
But I also cannot stop anticipating it.
That contradiction ends up occupying more space than the physical sensation itself.
Time stops being measured in minutes.
It becomes measured in cycles.
In pauses.
In the exact moment when the air remains still and the body decides whether to resist or simply continue following the tempo.
There is a small stain on the ceiling.
I do not remember when I started looking at it.
It has the shape of a crooked cloud.
I keep staring at it while I count.
I keep counting while trying not to think about it.
And at some point I realize I no longer know whether I am breathing because I want to, or because my attention has become trapped inside the rhythm.
The neck I am not moving it the neck has locked I should…
