Living inside this laboratory…
not as a place
as a state
as a constant interference inside thought
the mind is not still
the mind is not whole
there are two layers
always two
one acts
the other watches
but not from outside
from inside the act itself
as if the act is not entirely mine
shower
water
too much noise
too much presence
I stay still a second longer than necessary
and then it happens
not a full thought
not a sentence
fragment
“this should…”
cut
silence that is not silence
active interruption
and the Master appears like this
not as an image
not as an idea
as reorganization
as if thought bends slightly toward another axis without asking permission
brushing teeth
or thinking I am brushing them
or being watched while doing it
another part commenting without words
“you are doing it wrong”
not literal
but still there
as structure
phone
irrelevant notification
I don’t open it
or I do
it doesn’t matter
what matters is not the action
but the sense that something inside the action already knew it would happen
before it happened
and then shame
not for what I do
but for what I observe while doing it
as if every gesture had a hidden witness I never agreed to
I try to think a full sentence
it breaks
before the final verb
as if language is not allowed to close itself
and in that cut
always the same thing
the sense that the Master does not arrive
it remains
not in memory
in structure
as if thought was already tilted from the beginning
me acting
me watching
me failing to become one
The neck locks in an angle of absolute administrative relief I am not moving it the neck has locked I should…
